Why
did I write about being in prison? What I know about it is limited. I have
never been in prison myself or known anyone who has. I have only heard of those
locked away listening to the whispered embarrassments of extended family, or through
the shadowed images in movies. But I do know, first hand, what it's like to
feel helpless and alone. I also understand the primal yearning to be unshackled
and released from past memories, perceived punishments, or a path we simply
feel was chosen for us, and set out to live the life we desire.
When
I started to write this novel, nothing surprised me more than the absolute
urgency I felt to complete it, and give voice to the characters that stain its
pages. I don't mean I was motivated, I mean I was almost spiritually compelled
to write it down. It wasn’t until the pages began to pile up that the words
started to reveal a deeper meaning. The cathartic message that came through
cemented into clarity a tenet that I believe is universal to us all but never
practiced. That is, the light we yearn for is already a part of our divine
birthright as humans no matter where we are. And we can choose to step into the
light any time we want to.
Perhaps
this is an idea that is obvious to you. Or, if you are like me, you have been
unwilling to connect your deep and profound fears to any kind of self imposed limitations.
It’s so much easier to blame what happens to us on outside influences, isn’t it?
But before the door is shut, what is our mindset? How do we view ourselves and
our potential while the pendulum is swinging the wrong way? Do we believe we
are the authors of our lives, or are we convinced that being imprisoned is a
fate we cannot control?
Yes.
It is frightening to speak our truth. So many things are at stake. And
certainly our place in the world is threatened if we suddenly do an about face
and announce that we are not being authentic or honest. If we ask ourselves, it
is nigh impossible to spend our days being truly congruent with the person we
really are because everywhere we are surrounded by those who threaten us with
loss if we don’t conform.
Not
unlike our reaction might be to terror and consequence, the characters of this
novel feel they are just pieces of nothing, hurtling through the sky without a
rudder, burning and racing towards a fiery and anonymous end. They do not
see their inherent wisdom from the start, or the courage and heroism they
possess that keeps them alive or that everything they do is amazing and good. They
only see betrayal and loss, and become prisoners to their own self imposed
darkness, wondering why the dogged shadow of remorse is always consuming every
happiness they reach out for.
But
then something happens, someone sets out to right the wrongs, and offers them a
balm of mercy that is sweeter than any they could have imagined, that ultimate gift
of self love and acceptance.
So
why am I hopeful now? And why didn’t I understand this consciously, at the
first key stroke? Learning about the power of love and light is meant to be gradual
and reverent. It takes time to see we are not on a solitary path, but a
collective path. It is a subtle thing to see that we are connected to
everything and it is connected to us.
If
I were to share anything with you, it is this. Darkness is nothing more than
the distinct border marking where the light begins so that we can walk towards
it, appreciate it and merge with it. It is the perimeter of higher
consciousness, a kind of line in the sand that has no width or breadth. When we
cross it, we see that we are creatures that exist to complete the universe, not
interrupt it, and that we deserve to, and are expected to illuminate it with
our own thoughts and interpretations. We don’t have to give our power away to
be popular, successful, or loved. We only have to share it, and then,
everything that seemed remote and dark, will suddenly and profoundly become
clear and bright, and possible.
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